Open Letter to the Man I Let Go...

I don't even know where to begin this letter. So often I think of you and think of the love and life we shared. I keep replaying in my mind the one thing you always told me after we broke up and you dated someone else - "It's not you. She's just not you." And now, as I sit here and stare at the picture of you, very happy with another girl, I realize what that statement really means. Because, to be honest, I get it now. I see that I was trying to fill a void with everyone that I've dated since you but now I know that void can only be filled by you. 

And, as I sit here and stare at this picture of you with your new me, I want to find something wrong with her. I want to say she's ugly, but she's not, she's beautiful. I want to say she's too short for you, but it's actually kind of cute. And I want to say that she's too young and that it will never last, but I can't. The truth is, she's probably much more mature than I was when we dated. I have always played the, "I'm far more mature than my age" card but to be honest, I wasn't. I am now, but now I s a little too late. 

The honest truth is, the love that we shared was pure enough to make my heart still ache five years later. To stumble upon a photo of us and smile with complete admiration at the memory behind it. To hear someone mention hunting and thinking of all those early, cold mornings you went out with your father, just to sit there because it made him so happy. To remember the cheesy grin you would get when you caught a large striper and insist that a photo was taken. And teaching me how to hold the fish to make it appear bigger so the stories were better. 

I miss the way you made me feel like there was no other girl in the world. I've never trusted anyone as much as I did you. I miss the lazy days at home on the sofa or curled up in bed watching a marathon of Intervention. I even miss our Scrabble sessions you forced on me! I miss the innocence of our love. The thought that we would always be together. Truthfully, you'll always be with me, as you hold a huge chunk of my heart. 

And now, as Halloween passes, I wish that we were putting on our pajamas to spend a quiet evening in and not making a huge deal out of going out. Because, looking back now, it wasn't that important to get dressed up and go out. I would give up Halloween for the rest of my life to have one more Halloween with you. One more Thanksgiving, one more white Christmas, because at the very end of the day, you were all that mattered. We were all that mattered. And when the day comes that you officially move on and marry someone who isn't me, I will shed a tear. Because no one else is you and it will never be the same. 

Love much, 
M